Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Back from a long break!

First and foremost I would like to apologize and thank my readers for continuing to read and check our blog for updates.
The long break was necessary, we endured a personal life changing event, along with a harder than ever tough transition period back to Brazil, not entirely in Brazil yet, but working on it.
So, my dear mother, who I loved more than life itself passed away after a long and hard battle with a rare lung disease acquired from poisonous black mold (don't take mold for granted, it's a deadly force that medicine still knows little about!).
My mother suffered so much that at the end, believe it or not, I was shamefully relieved that she finally had a break, and could rest, and still feel bad about that weird relief, I wanted nothing more than to spend long happy years with my mother now that she finally accepted and respected the fact that I was born gay and this is not a "phase".
She spent 45 days in intensive care, doctors telling us each and every day that day was the day...an unimaginable roller coaster of emotions!  I had left Gilson alone at our house in the Boston area and stayed in São Paulo with my family.
See, this event hit Gil and I particularly hard, because back in 1998, when we left our happy Brazilian life, friends and family and embarked on this self imposed exile in the US, we did it for peace of mind, if you read our first posts, you will understand the whole family drama, my mother gave us a real hard time in the beginning. She was raised in a boarding Catholic School, and had a real hard time accepting the fact that her oldest son was gay.
Long story short, we finally made peace after so many years of pain and bitterness, and destiny had this sour surprise for us, finally, now that my mother was ok with who I am (the way I was born), and we were ready and looking for jobs getting ready to return home, no more reason to continue in our long time self imposed exile, she passes away.
Honestly, I am still trying to figure out/digest this one, if there is/ was something to be digested. I am trying to understand if there is a life lesson to be leaned here, if any.
This past weekend was really, really cool/relaxing/awesome, I spent with people that I knew very little but I already felt in love with just like if they were my life long friends from the days of high school.
We had a wonderful time in the beautiful mountains of Rio de Janeiro, great cool weather, we talked in front of the fireplace with good wines, yes, plural, great cheeses, an awesome Raclete maker, and great company into the wee hours of the night/morning.
Petropolis is up in the mountains region of Rio de Janeiro, a must visit if you are in Brazil and can go, only a short 40 minutes beautiful drive from the "cidade Maravilhosa", a visit to the Imperial Museum is going to be the highlight of your visit to Petropolis, I highly recommend.
One of the awesome visitors to this great weekend was our blog's God mother, Rachel, from Rachel's Rantings in Rio blog, we were guests of our also great and dear friend Mrs. Born Again Brazilian, Rachel basically kicked my behind, told me to snap out of it and get back to blogging, eh eh eh, I love her, and here I am, back in contact with you, our loyal readers that have followed our life dramas and funny moments of our split life between Brazil and New England from the beginning.
I am really looking forward to meeting flaky awesome friend/fellow blogger Alex from Bossa Breezes in Rio tomorrow, if he doesn't flake on us, yet again, he is swearing this time "e pra valer" and he will show up, possibly and hopefully Tom, from Eat Rio blog if he is around and available and Jim from "Qualidade de Vida", if we are able to get hold of him in time to make it work.
First blog post written from my best gadget friend, the iPad, I have to say, it as somewhat smooth, and it got easier by the end of the post.

Abraco a todos
Ray

21 comments:

Alex said...

....I'm gonna act like I didn't read what I just read....

Welcome back, and MAYBE see you tomorrow :)

Jim said...

Ray - I am so, so, SO sorry to hear of your personal tragedy. The depth of your loss is unfathomable. Do know you are held in a warm embrace by Luiz and I as you find your way through the coming months.

Selfishly glad you are back in Brazil. Now we can compare notes while you are on a similar page (although São Paulo remains a unique Brazilian world unto itself).

All the best to you, Gil and your family.

Shelley Ryan-Kelzenberg said...

Good to see you back, and so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing, and be kind to yourself as you work through the questions and the pain.

Renato S. Alves said...

Ray
I am very sorry for your loss. Life plays these tricks on us. I imagine all that you are going through now thinking the "hows", "whys" and "what ifs". I'm sorry, really. I don't know you but you seem to be a very nice person. I hope that you and your partner can achieve all your goals for the near future and that you can find joy, happiness and piece of mind where ever you decide to live. Welcome back...
Take care.
Renato

born again brazilian said...

Welcome back my friend!
Alex... I figured you had a whole weekend of cool young stuff to do.

American Heart Brazilian Soul said...

Jim, thank you for you kind message, it seems harder every day, my mom left a huge void!
Let's try to meet in Rio, Alex, Rachel and I are going to be out and about tonight, tomorrow and Saturday up until around 4 when I fly back to São Paulo.
Yes, it will be an interesting re-introduction into Brazilian life after 16 years away.

Abracos

Ray

American Heart Brazilian Soul said...

Dear Shelley, thank you for the kind words, good to hear from you.

Ray

American Heart Brazilian Soul said...

Renato, yes, no easy answers, but Shelley is right, we have to be kind to ourselves when looking for answers in a moment like this, thanks for sticking around as we took a long break.

Abracos
Ray

American Heart Brazilian Soul said...

Dear Mrs. Born Again Brazilian, Rachel and I actually had the honor of meeting Alex in person yesterday, he did show up, imagine that! Lol, he shaking off his (flake) reputation! We had a great time and are planning to get Jim and Tom from Qualidade de Vida and Eat Rio to meet us today! ;)

Maggie Winter said...

Glad to see you back. The game of life can really be a bitch, much love and good wishes for you and your family. Please may I recommend a good book, you can download it free from the author's website on http://butterfliesfree.com there is also loads of videos etc. Really does give a new view of what life really maybe about.
Take care and I look forward to many great posts, no pressure though.:)

American Heart Brazilian Soul said...

Dear Maggie,

Thanks for the great tip, I will look into it.

Abracos
Ray

Jessica said...

Ray,
Luckily I don't speak from personal experience, but talking to friends that have lost their mothers, it's a very long mourning period. Give yourself at LEAST a year (maybe a year and a half) before you expect to START feeling "normal" again. I'm so sorry to hear of her passing. Peace and blessings to you and your family.
Jessica

Jane Heim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
luasol40 said...

Glad to see you back. Sorry for your loss. I was on hiatus too.

Anonymous said...

O blog morreu?

Renato S. Alves said...

hey Ray
Como vai a vida no Brasil?
Abs

Primary Games Anywho said...

Hey great blog. Write more soon Thanks Ray

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
American Heart Brazilian Soul said...

Primary Games Anywho,

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement!
There are plans to get back to writing soon.


Abracos
Ray

American Heart Brazilian Soul said...

Renato Alves,

Life in Brazil is awesome, as usual!
We are, however, back in the US right now.
Explanatory post to follow soon.

Abracos

Ray

Anonymous said...

Cadê o explanatory post? Dilma roubou?